50 Funny Nut Jokes

Get ready to enjoy our hilarious selection of nut jokes that will make your day laugh! with the funny nut jokes and nut puns, so let the laughter begin!

Here are the top 50 Funny nut jokes to make your weekend with a laugh. These are the funniest jokes about nut humor for both kids and adults which they are going to love with a laugh.

Nut Jokes

1. Why was the nut sent to prison? It was a hardened criminal!
2. What did the nut say when it sneezed? Cashew!
3. Why are nuts so tough? They’re shellfish.
4. Why are nuts always seen giggling? They just crack each other up!
5. What nut is neither optimistic nor pessimistic? The real-pecan.
6. Why do nuts make terrible drivers? They’re always getting roasted!
7. How do nuts get around town? On their bicy-walnuts of course!
8. What do you call a nut from space? An astro-nut!
9. Why did the pecan keep getting arrested? It was nuts!
10. How do you know if a nut is untrustworthy? It’s always evasive when questioned.
11. What do you call nuts who work together? Teamed almonds!
12. How did the walnut propose to his girlfriend? With a diamond cashew!
13. Why are nuts so healthy? They’re full of nutrientz.
14. Why was the chestnut so out of breath? It was having a cashew attack!
15. What do you call a Hazel that’s gone crazy? A hazelnut!

Funny Nut Jokes

15. Why can’t nuts be trusted? They’re always plotting schemes to take over the world!
16. What do you call nuts that escape from the asylum? Pe-cans!
17. How do nuts unwind? By going almond on vacation!
18. What kind of nuts work at hospitals? Surgeon Gener-almonds!
19. Why was the pistachio arrested? It was assaulted!
20. Why are nuts so funny? Because they have a wacky cashew-al sense of humor!
21. What do you call nuts that are shy? She-nuts!
22. Why did the nut quit the band? Creative differ-almonds!
23. How do nuts make music? With their maca-dance moves!
24. What do you call a coconut magician? An abraca-nut-cadabra master!
25. How do nuts stay in touch? Almond carriers of course!
26. Why do nuts have trouble sticking to schedules? They’re so flaky!
27. What do you call a nut that works as a builder? A handy-almond!
28. Where do nuts get check ups? The pe-can-ic!
29. Why are nuts so trendy? They love almond milk lattes!
30. Why was the pistachio tired when he got home? It was a hard nut to crack at work!

Nut Puns

27. How did the almond propose to his girlfriend? With a diamond cashew!
28. What do you call nutty winter sports fans? Almond maniacs!
29. Why do nuts make great activists? They’re very cashew-al about social justice!
30. What did the peanut say to console his crying friend? There’s snow need to get salty!
31. How do nuts excel academically? Lots of stud-walnut hours!
32. Why are nuts so athletic? They go almond on sports of course!
33. Why do nuts have trouble making decisions? They’re so on the walnut!
34. What do you call a possessive nut? A cashew-vinist!
35. How do nuts stay secure online? With hard to cashew passwords!
36. Why are nuts so tidy? They like to keep their spaces almond span!
37. What did the peanut say to impress his crush? I’m nutty for you!
38. Why were the nuts arguing? They just couldn’t de-cashew-tate things rationally!
39. Why was the macadamia crying? It just had a walnut day.
40. What do you call two nuts that stick together? Velcro-nuts!
41. How do nuts keep their fur glossy? Lots of almond conditioner!
42. What did the peanut say to the crying walnut? Aww, buttercup!
43. Why do nuts love comedy shows? For the stand-up comedi-almonds!
44. Why are nuts such great comedians? They have a wacky sense of hum-walnut!
45. What do you call an aggressive nut? A pistachio!

I hope these nut jokes bring a smile to your face! Enjoy the nut humor!

Final Thoughts

I hope these additional funny nut jokes brought a smile to your face! Remember, so feel free to share these with friends and family to spread the laughter!

If you want to laugh more here is a list of more funny jokes that you gonna love and laugh at:

• Teacher Jokes
• Orange Jokes
• Seed Puns