70 Funny Kiwi Jokes

Get ready to enjoy our hilarious selection of Kiwi jokes that will make your day laugh! with funny Kiwi puns and Kiwi one-liners, so let the laughter begin!

Here are the top 70 funny Kiwi jokes to make your weekend with a laugh. These are the funniest jokes about kiwi humor for both kids and adults which they are going to love with a laugh.

Funny Kiwi Jokes

1. Why can’t kiwis play cards in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs!
2. Why do kiwis make great detectives? They can always get to the fruit of the matter!
3. What did the kiwi say when it won an award? “This is such an honor, I’m feeling berry humbled!”
4. How do kiwis stay up to date on current events? They read the fruit news!
5. Why don’t kiwis tell fruit jokes? Because they’ll just grape on and on!
6. What musical instrument do kiwis play? The fruit-ar!
7. How do kiwis stay in shape? By going to zumba classes and eating fruit-and vegetables!
8. How does a kiwi fix his hair? With a hairy-seed!
9. What kind of shoes do kiwis wear? Fruit flops!
10. Why don’t kiwis participate in extreme sports? They don’t wanna end up in fruit-east pieces!
11. Why are kiwis always smiling? They lead de-vine lives!
12. Why do kiwis make good gardeners? They have great fruit-i-culture!
13. What’s a kiwi’s favorite dessert? Short-kiwi cake!
14. Why was the rotten kiwi thrown out of school? For bad fruit-ior!
15. How does a kiwi access the internet? They just log onBerry!
16. Why was the kiwi fired from his job as a bartender? He kept bruising all the fruit!
17. What’s a kiwi’s favorite outdoor activity? Going on strolls through the grapefruit outdoors!
18. Why was the kiwi stopped by airport security? He was caught with some forbidden fruit!
19. How did the kiwi win the talent show? It let its fruit shine!
20. Why was the kiwi jealous of the banana? It had great fruit-al appeal!

Kiwi Puns

21. Why are kiwis always on top of things? They lead fruit-filling lives!
22. Why was the kiwi sad? He was feeling berry blue!
23. What do you call a psychic kiwi? A fruit who knows!
24. What’s a kiwi’s favorite breakfast? Lemon pop-py-seed pancakes!
25. What’s a kiwi’s motto? When fruits gives you melons – make melonade!
26. Why was the kiwi broke at the end of the month? Too much extra-fruit-gance!
27. Why are kiwis excellent teachers? They know how to make fruitrition fun!
28. What did one kiwi say to the peach? “Fruit flies like us!”
29. Why are kiwis bad at sharing? They’re always being a little seedy!
30. Why was the kiwi so popular? It had real ap-peel!
31. How does a kiwi relax on weekends? By eating snacks and watching fruit-flix!
32. What’s a kiwi’s dream job? Managing a fruit-tique boutique!
33. Why was the kiwi smiling? Everyone greeted him with a big wavy fruit hello!
34. Why are kiwis the friendliest fruits? They always give the warmest fruit-races!
35. What’s a broke kiwi’s favorite store? 99 Bananas!
36. Why was the kiwi sulking in the rain? It lost its zest for life!
37. Why was the kiwi economist fired from his job? Too many pitted fruits in his reports!
38. Which fruit always keeps its promises? A kiwi fruit – it would never break your trust!
39. Why are kiwis always so positive? They know every cloud has a fruit lining!
40. Why are kiwis always on top of the latest slang? They love keeping currant with trends!

Kiwi One liners

41. I entered my kiwifruit pie in a baking contest but didn’t win. The judges told me it needed more za-zest!
42. I tried making a kiwi smoothie but added too much ginger. It was too zingy—just couldn’t kiwi calm and carry on!
43. Eating too many sour kiwis really puckered my mouth. You could say it was quite the zany experience!
44. I bought some kiwis for my fruit salad but they were all bruised. Talk about a blue zoo-per experience!
45. I tried marketing new “kiwirfume” but no one bought it. I guess the idea just didn’t have enough ap-peel!
46. Did you hear about the kiwi who couldn’t pay his bills? He was in quite the hairy zit-uation!
47. I accidentally used salt instead of sugar on my kiwi tart. You could say it was quite the faux paw-paw!
48. My friend threw a kiwi-themed party but he’s quite the odd bird—it was a totally awkward affair!
49. I tried making a kiwi jam but used the wrong pectin. I ended up with more of a hairy gel!
50. I attempted kiwi cupcakes using zucchini icing. Let’s just say the decor was more glam than the flavor!
51. Eating unripe kiwis really made my face pucker. Zoinks—what a lip-smacking experience!
52. My friend bought white kiwis thinking they were eggs. What a fruity mix-up that was!
53. I ordered a kiwi mojito and they didn’t muddle the mint properly. It was simple-E kiwi catastrophic!
54. I bought some golden kiwis for a fruit tart but they were tasteless. Truly an odd nugget of a fruit!
55. My friend tried making kiwi lemonade but he’s clueless in the kitchen. It was basically sweetened green juice!
56. I tried making a kiwi pie with a graham cracker crust but I’m just not chef material—it was a zesty mess!
57. I attempted kiwi hair dye but the color was ghastly. It was neither peach nor zest!
58. I bought a neon kiwi tracksuit that just doesn’t suit me. Not exactly my color or culture!
59. I tried planting kiwi vines but selected a poor spot. These fuzzy fruits are struggling!
60. I ordered kiwi sherbet but they didn’t properly freeze it. Talk about a soupy situation!
61. I tried making kiwi cupcakes using zucchini frosting. The decor was fab but the taste was iffy!
62. My friend bought white kiwis thinking they were eggs. What a fowl mix up!
63. I attempted a kiwi facial but didn’t research properly. My face broke out in hives! What a hairy moment!
64. I bought some golden kiwifruit hoping they’d be sweet. Alas, their taste was just odd and measly.
65. I tried making kiwi jam but subbed glucomannan powder for the pectin. I ended up with rubbery goo!
66. I bought a cute little kiwi purse but it ripped immediately. Clearly a furry flimsy fashion flop!
67. I tried to make kiwi ginger sorbet but something went awry. The result was an icy, hairy sludge!
68. I attempted kiwi hair dye but chose the wrong formula. My hair reacted by intensely curling! Mon dieu!
69. I ordered kiwi mojitos but they used old mint. The drink tasted like fizzy dirt! A situation most un-peachy!
70. I attempted kiwi cupcakes with spinach frosting. They were neither chick nor chicky—just odd!

I hope these kiwi one-liners bring a smile to your face! Enjoy the kiwi humor!

Final Thoughts

I hope these additional funny Kiwi jokes brought a smile to your face! Remember, so feel free to share these with friends and family to spread the laughter!

If you want to laugh more here is a list of more funny jokes that you gonna love and laugh at:

• Pink Puns
• Moon Puns
• Cop Jokes